Crush! Kill! Destroy!

Thaaat's probably not what a holy land is supposed to look like. Maybe the sacred Lands of Punching, but not this one. Surely not.

Dead witches.

Dead ninjas.

...Dead beastmen.

"Wait, wait, wait," I said, dismounting Flammie. "They were all making a grab for power? Not just Altena? I thought it was just a /grudge/ against the ninjas, and... all three of them? Shouldn't I have been there for some exposition?"

"I remember it," said Angela, eyebrow raised in quite a persuasive you-suck manner. "What, weren't you paying attention?"

"C-can't afford it," I said. "Haven't been attention farming recently."

And, without further ado, we found the Mana Sword sticking out of the root of a giant tree. Feeling the need to say something profound, I yelled, "Woo-hoo!" reached up, and yanked with all my might.

And promptly let go. "Ow! Geez!"* The thing had shocked me and I wasn't about to blame it on static electricity.

"Wait!" said Faerie. "Calm down."

Then some dramatic irony happened and I won't write about it because I shouldn't know what happened. Though... honestly I'm not sure what happened either way.

I closed my eyes and focused, thinking back to the class change two posts ago. And then thinking maybe I should think about something else because this was a bit different. And then thinking maybe I shouldn't think about thinking about something else, but think of something completely different. And then thinking wait I think I just did something.

I opened them. In my hand was the sword. "I... I did it!" I said, twirling it around for emphasis.

The sound of nothing emanating from the tree caught my attention. I turned around to see... that looked a lot like the statues of HP restoration... the Mana Goddess herself? Maybe I should capitalize that. The Mana Goddess Herself?

...I was too focused on the fact that gee, the Mana Goddess was giving me personally a message to listen to the message itself. I realized this on her conclusion, when she told me to use her gift wisely, leaving a treasure chest in front of me and fading from view. I yelled "Aw, crap!" and refused to tell my teammates why.

Anyway, inside the chest was a fancy party favor. You know, like one of those ball paddles, but with two balls? And also different. I... should definitely amend at least that much to avoid blaspheming. From everyone's reactions, it had no use we'd already heard. I twirled it around. It made some loud, echoing banging, but nothing else happened. Maybe I'd try it later. Hoping Flammie was still waiting for us, we headed back the way we came.

We first came across that Koren guy and that black knight. They explained how Altena had been invaded in their absence and promptly died, leaving Duran a little crestfallen and missing his motivation for this quest in the first place. "But," he said, "the world's still in danger if the other two factions survived. I'm staying with you."

Then came a very strange, pale, creepy jester guy. He introduced himself as the Deathjester, said the Beast Kingdom was destroyed too, and that he had a message from the ninja lady with the fancy name. The message being that if I wanted to ever see my brother and the faerie again, I would bring the Mana Sword to Navarre.

Even with Admiral Ackbar's immortal words echoing in my head, cutscene stupidity said I had to go.

Aaand Flammie was gone.

"Wait," said Angela, "Maybe the drum is like the flute."

The Flute of Turtle Summon? I had put that in storage to make room for the drum. Drum was a good word for it, now that I'm thinking of it. Sounded perfectly reverent. Well... rather reverent. I didn't see it being used in a religious service any time soon. And by that I mean the drum, not the word.

I mean, it was worth a shot. I twirled it around.

Instantly Flammie swooped down out of nowhere, looking confused when it rose again.

"What, does she want us to jump on?" I said in shock.

She was coming down again, this time straight at us. It was clear I had a choice to move it or to lose it, and I opted for the former.

It wasn't any more comforting to be on her back. I was almost relieved to find myself behind enemy lines, if it meant I was on something solid.

Hard-To-Spell was there with a vampire guy I think I mentioned once, and she again demanded the sword. Again, cutscene stupidity said I handed it over. I had been shocked before, but it really zapped Vampire Guy. Jagan, his text box said. That's a lot shorter; let's go with that.

"Ha!" I said. "Full of holy energy! Now, if you'll just hand that back--"

"Fool!" said She Who Can Not Be Spelled. "Don't you think we planned for this?" She shot Jagan with some black magic thing, and he slowly rose back to his feet, sword clenched in his fist. "The sword is merely a reflection of one's soul."

"Well, now it is," I mumbled. Well, geez. Did we really stand a chance against folks who can contaminate a holy artifact? Before I had time to decide, though, they disappeared, as they were wont to do. Darn, I was prepared for a boss fight.

True to a couple of their words, they left Faerie behind. But not Elliot. Of course not, then I might lose my lust for revenge and /not/ try to defeat them. In fact, giving back Faerie only made it worse for them.

Anyway, she regained consciousness quickly. "The mana stones have been destroyed," she choked.

Wait wait wait. But... didn't I still need another class change? How was I supposed to do it now?

Angela realized the worse implications. "That doesn't mean--the God-Beasts...?"

What? how was I supposed to fight friggin' gods without a second class change?

Faerie nodded. "They grow stronger even as we speak. Hurry, while they're still vulnerable!"

Oh. I would imagine that's how.

STRING OF SEVEN BOSS FIGHTS

FIRE
It was really hard to tell what to target, after one of Angela's spells gave an option. A fireplace barely in reach, or the beast itself. Even now, I'm not sure what we were meant to do.

WATER
What a guy! Hiding under the ice, completely out of reach by any sane method. It was rather thin ice. You might even say very thin ice. Very thin ice. Very thin ice.

EARTH
This guy had a plan. Angela's plan, as a matter of fact. Spam spells. Couple that with the fact that we stumbled upon it before we were done level farming, and it made for a really stressful boss fight.

WIND
This guy also had a plan. Fly through the air out of reach. It didn't count on Flammie. That was... well, an exciting fight. Again with the sprite problems, with Duran stabbing the ground at the end of his spellcasting animation. The ground being whatever he's standing on. Flammie's head. And now I think of it, this may have been a problem on the very thin ice.

MOON
That's totally an element. Who could be the boss of the kung fu werewolf forest but a giant super saiyan werewolf? Let me just say I'm glad we didn't let this one get any stronger than it was.

WOOD
Heh heh. I mean, yeah. It was obsessed with pumpkins. Its head even looked like a jack-o-lantern. It threw weird pumpkin bombs. I'm pretty sure we were something like four levels under where we should have been, but it was a pushover. This was a destroyer of worlds?

LIGHT
This ball of unsightly grossness introduced us to another new status effect! Moogling. Exactly what it says on the tin, it had a move that turned us into worthless weakling moogles. Lucky the Chibikko Hammer thinks there's no such thing as a tiny moogle. And works both ways.

DARK
...Wait a minute. Back on the ghost ship, Shade had said something about how the mana stone of darkness was completely lost or something. And if /he/ didn't know, who would?

*You know, come to think of it, considering the theology around here, that's really an odd expletive.